she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
