How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
OPIZZABONMYDICK
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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