my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
