It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
