all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He shit in the fireplace
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
