I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
