I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
