girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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