Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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