All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
