my sisters under your porch take her home
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
