I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We don't watch enough power rangers
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
