Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
