Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My vagina is very pro this idea
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
