Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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