That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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