I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The air was thick with penises
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
