If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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