i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
someone owes me an orgasm
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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