Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
