My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
