but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Your shirt... Was in my pants
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize