You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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