I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
