to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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