dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
we're so committed to being not committed
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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