If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
