I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Vodka?
Forever.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
