the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
