I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
