i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize