dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
