no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
