he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
