it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
