Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The Olympian is in my bed
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
