I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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