I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
