You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
