Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
