Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
