just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize