The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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