What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize