It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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