It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
