Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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