no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
