watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
