I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i love accidental penises.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
