Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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