It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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