i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he thought i was a dude.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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