Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize