If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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