By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
