I have demons in me.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
