Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
