I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
