That's intense
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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