Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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