Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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