dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
