I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
