Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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