you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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