You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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