Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize