I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
