There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
