Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
