Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just invented taco cereal.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
