i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
