we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize