My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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