shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
