I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
