The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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