MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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