So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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