remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
