I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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