sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
