I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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