Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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