yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
