She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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