What a fucking waste of an outfit
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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