Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
