i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
a search helicopter?!
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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