It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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