She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize