should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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