I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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