My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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