i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
