I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
