Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
