why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
