Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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